Planetary Emergency

Hmm...
So apparantly, now, we're facing a planetary emergency! That's what Mr. Al gore announced in his speech supporting Obama's nomination.

"Mr Gore added that the US was "facing a planetary emergency" and that the ties of Mr McCain and the Republicans to big oil firms meant they would not act to end the country's reliance on fossil fuels." - BBC News

It's funny that the US, across the world from me, suddenly doesn't seem to be that far away. In the States, same as here, politicians are pretty good (or not!) at raising big slogans: "We Need to fight corruption.. We need a change. We need to stand up for our rights. Freedom. Democracy. Liberty. Equality. Etc."

But I have to give Al Gore the credit for his insightful thought: We're facing a PLANETARY EMERGENCY!

And just like in commercials for magical detergents, a deep reassuring voice comes from far away, with sparkles all around: "Oh yeah! But, don't you worry! Vote for Obbama, he'll get you off this planet in a blink of an eye.. ermm.. I mean he'll get you out of this crisis!"

Hail The Savior.. Obama for Presidency!

World, Will You Hold On?

When I try to remember my childhood, I get a visual of a tiny little creature, a little girl actually, who's quite quiet but she seems to be as large as the planet she's standing on, and she seems like she figured it all out. I remember I figured it all out..

The more I grow the more I realize, I'm years and years away from figuring it out. What's to figure out to begin with? I always knew there are things I didn't know, but now I'm not even sure of what I know.

It's like when I visit a link, and you click on another link, and another link, and then another, and then I end up with about 40 tabs opened on my Firefox browser, so I open Opera, to open another 30-40 tabs..

The tabs seem to grow in number, and my eyes don't seem to be able to grasp the content anymore.

I thought I knew, I knew I figured it out.. Now I know I don't, I know I don't know..

The visual I have now, is of a smaller creature, a smaller girl actually, with a world that never stops growing, exponentially! And she's running out of breath trying to catch it..

Forseen Heartbreak!

So there's this little boy, who's not so little by the way, and he fell in love with this little girl.. The beauty of love is that it really brings up a smile on your face, even if you're not the one involved..
So let's establish first that I'm not that little girl, and you're not that little boy either..

This is the story of little love, a love so sweet that you really can't help but smile at it, you can't help but put more hope in it, and light its way.. Even though you're 100% sure that this love will not last, that it's too little to survive life, that it's just too young..

That little boy will grow up, so would that little girl, but that love will remain little; and the more they grow up the little it will become.. But you still wouldn't manage to be cruel enough to tell them now that it will end, that they will end, and that what now seems to them larger than life, will become as tiny as a shining star, in a far far away sky..
It will end; they will end; but you will still smile whenever you come across a little love..

It's not about the shit! It's about how you deal with it!

Ok.. Let's talk about something serious today, something outside the center of my own personal existence. I know I write a lot about myself, and that this blog is called MY WORLD, as if I'm a solid entity by myself, able to exist isolated from the worlds around me. I wish.. We all wish we're that strong, we're that independent.. But when we are a world by ourselves, we're mostly alone, moreover, lonely..

Today, I talk about a neighboring world, in the real world. A country very well known around the globe as the land of the pharoes, the home of the pyramids, one of the seven wonders of the world.
Egypt, located in North Africa, part of the Arab world, long known for the Nile, the longest river of the world, and even though the Nile crosses other countries (Ethiopia, Sudan, Eritria, Rwanda, Tanzania, Uganda, Burundi, Democratic Republic of Congo, and Kenya); but mostly, when we talk about the Nile, we get the image of Egypt, maybe because that's where it finally rests in Alexandria, but most probably because of the pharoes' legends, and religious legends..

In the Arab world, Cairo, the capital of Egypt, holds the title of "Omm El Donia" (i.e. The mother of the world). It's also known to be the number one producer of movies and TV shows. The homeland of great arab thinkers, and writers. The land of Oum Kolthoum, the Lady of Arab Tarab. And so on, Cairo seems to be the cultural city of the Arab world.
Why did I suddenly move from my world, to the egyptian capital? Haven't I got enough material to talk about Lebanon? Of course I do, Lebanon by itself needs years and years of writing.. But in my opinion, it would be useless time spent, since I myself, don't really get what's going in this fucked up world of mine. Not thta Egypt seems to be holding on better, or to be more understoodable, but, let's go back to Egypt.

Couple of days ago, in the peak of my disappointment moments from my country, I sat there, in front of the TV. Something I rarely do. And as I was zapping, just for the sake of zapping (it's a very relaxing exercise by the way), I fall on a really intriguing commercial!
Synopsis: a mother with a newborn visits a doctor. The newborn is crying, and the mother is confused and worried about her child. The doctor, while conducting the test, discovers that the mother is using rags instead of diapers!! And then teh doctor starts elaborating on the importance of the use of diapers.

The ad is part of an awareness campaign launched recently in Egypt to create awareness on the importance of the importance of the use of synthetic diapers instead of dishrags.

I thought I was very aware of the problems of under-developed countries, but to see such a campaign, and in Egypt?! I'm almost 25 now, and my mom used diapers when I was born! It brought me a whole new concept of under-development!

They do not only suffer from political corruption, from fake democracy, and so on, but they suffer from ignorance of the basic personal hygiene!

As selfish as this may sound, but this ad made me feel slightly better towards my country! How? Well, at least we use disposable diapers to wipe off the shit we have!

Dear Diary..

Dear Diary,

I know I don't visit you much, and that probably I should call you "annuary" instead.. But I know you understand. The beauty of a diary is that it feels so intimate, so human. But most importantly, Diary can never be judgmental.. I think being judgmental is the worst a human be can be. It reflects how narrow minded he can be, how egocentric he can be, and how intolerant as well.

Narrow minded because he cannot open up to other mentalities, circumstances, and situations different from the ones he already knows.
Egocentric, because he's mostly judging according to his own personal standards, lifestyle, beliefs and so on..
Intolerant, because he simply can't accept the difference of the other, and the existence of this other while being different..

But I'm not here to talk about human behavior.. nor my behavior..
I'm here to lay my worries on you, knowing that you will not contribute in any solution.

Dear Diary.. As always I'm kinda lost.. The more answers I get, the more questions I ask.. I'm even re-questioning answers I thought I had already figured out.. i still worry too much about the future, I still worry too much about everything.. But mostly, I'm worried about myself...
I don't know how much more I can survive, or how many hits I can take.. I'm worried about the extreme reactions I'm getting.. I'm worried about the fact that I feel happiness at the peak of my worst moments in life. And that I take the liberty to feel sad, when everything seems to be working just fine.. Do I enjoy pain? Or Do i enjoy the challenge? Do I postpone my feelings of sadness for when I have the time and strength to face them? What am I doing to myself?

Sometimes I feel like I'm using me like one of those lab rats, where I keep testing the wrong reactors, and wrong solutions.. And the only results I get, come accidentally..
Then, at the peak of my confusion, the Super-Rary jumps right in: "That's not true Rary! You're a strong girl who can get everywhere she wants with just enough persistence, and a lot of bravery!"
And, then I think to myself: "PFT!! Great, I'm now schyzophrenic as well!"

Dear Diary, the joy in the world seems to be when I live on the edge of extremes.. The question remains: Do I survive? Will I survive?

Ronald and I..

I've never been a fan of Mcdonalds. I can never swallow the food, if we can call that food! The Mcflurry is not that bad though.

But right now, I suddenly felt the need for Mcdonalds. Not the Big Mac, not the Mcflurry, and definitely not the McPlay area. But the need for that Ronald Macdonald!

I never sat next to him on that bench, I always found that yellow with red a little out of style. And I despised that stupid "I'm lovin' it" smile!

But for now, he's all I can think of. That little space next to him suddenly feels like the only place I want to be in for now.. This might sound desperate, to a lot of people. It sounds too desperate even for myself, but the story is far from desparation, and very far from loneliness.
As a matter of fact, the story is MY LIFE, and the truth is: "I'm lovin' it", and there's no smile to match the one I have now, except that of Ronald MCD!

Laundry

I turn off the lights..
I turn off the music..
It's 9PM, still early for me to sleep..
I barely sleep either way..

Alone in the space of my own room, wanting to enjoy the silence.. My silence..
But I live in a crowded street, silence rarely drops by unless forced by some militia shootings..
And the sound of my washing machine.. In the next room..
I wanted to enjoy my silence.. my peace.. But it's just too loud! Too much noise..
I close the windows..
But, the sound of my washing machine..

"Exaspérée", and just as I decide to give up and turn on my music, It says: "DON'T!"
But there's no one around, except my washing machine..
Yet, it's hard not to figure it out.. You just know it.. The voice of your silence.. Coming deep from far away, from your anger and doubts, from your dreams, and your fears..

I exhale, in relief.. I've been trying to catch my silence for a while now.. I exhale, and I smile.. In the loneliness of my room, I'm happy.. Happy for my warrior is here.. Tonight..
"Now Now Baby girl! You didn't think I'd forget about you, did you? But I thought you'd forget about me, with your LOUD LOUD Summer, and Upbeat music! I thought wisdom holds no longer any taste for you.."
And I keep on smiling..
"Chupulu, I have few words to say to you before I go: Don't let go! You are a warrior, and you know it! So stop denouncing your fate, and live up to it! You don't know any better either way! So, Breathe! Stand up! Smile! And Fight! And most importantly, don't forget what you're fighting for! Don't engage yourself in meaningless battles! Just.."

Suddenly, the sound of my washing machine stops! Interrupting My silence!.. I have to go check on my laundry :)

Scream

I'm itching.. Again..
The urge to write can be deadly sometimes. The need to organize my thoughts, my dreams, my life.. Everything is postponed, everything is useless, until I write down what I have to say. It's mystical in a way, because I can't really explain it.. It's just an urge that seems to be powerful enough to pause everything around it, and stop me right where I stand, freezing me on the spot until I get it out.. My life starts to pass in slow motion, my brain stops processing.. and the only thing that makes sense is a blank page to write.. an empty space to scream.

I think it all goes down to screaming.. Our first reaction to life: SCREAMING!
It doesn't need to mean anything.. It doesn't need to lead to anything.. Just a scream to say: "I exist! WORLD, hear me now! I exist!"

الراية البيضاء

قررت أن نعلنها حرباً مفتوحة
فطوبى لك
ها أنا أكتب إلى ذلك الفتى الذي صنع أحلامي يوماً.. ها أنا أكتب إليك، اليوم.. أنت الذي صنعت أحلامي.. هذا صحيح! ثم تركتني لتشرب فنجانك القهوة، أتخبط وحدي، كلما احتجت إليك..
ها أنا أكتب إلى الذي كان موجوداً يوماً و اختفى أبداً، فما أنت فاعلٌ اليوم؟

قررت أن تعلن الحرب و تطالب بأملاكك؟ خذ الأحلام التي وهبتني إياها فقد أكل عليها الدهر..
خذها كلها فأنا بحاجة للمساحة التي تحتلها لأضع مكانها المزيد من جنوني، و المزيد من مجوني، و المزيد من وحدتي
قررت أن تحارب! فهنيئاً لك الساحة و المعركة و كل ما تريد.. فأنا لا أريد شيئاً.. سئمت منك و من غوغاء حروبك و حروب غيرك.. لم أكن يوماً محاربة، و لن أكون..
فدعوني أعيش بسلامي، و مخاوفي.. و مجوني

Rary Version 2.4

My golden rule in dealing with any matter is: "when you don't know any better, simply stick to the basics"
However, even though this rule has proven its efficiency throughout the years, I'm starting to question the basics!

Every year I go through 2 phases of reassessment! one around new year, and another around my birthday, which happens to be in the middle of the year, so it's quite convenient!

This year, I'm looking forward to my birthday, which rarely happens. But this year, my life seems to be one of those Dewars ads: "Some age, others mature!"

23 felt old. 24 feels mature :) Perhaps because I accepted the fact that there will always be around 3 years of your life that you barely remember living, but you lived them either way, and perhaps because I realized that it's not as old as I thought it was. See, old for me, is when you become helpless, and unable to fulfill your responsibilities as you used to. At 23, I felt old, it's True! I felt helpless!

24 is just beautiful, bringing a lot of power with it, a lot of clarity, a lot of confusion as well. A beautiful confusion, one that makes you aspire for more living in order to resolve it.

I changed a lot over the past year, but mostly, I changed more over the years before. This year, I'm simply going back to the basics! It's true people should evolve instead of going back, but, you see, I tried to evolve so much thinking that what i had was very primitive, when in fact it's pretty evolved. Of course a little tweaking is needed from time to time, new things to be acquired, old stuff to be thrown away, but extreme makeover is no longer an option. It shouldn't have been an option. The best way to evolve starts by pinpointing your strengths, realizing where they come from, and where they can take you. And then you move to your weaknesses and decide how to overcome them. Most people go the other way around, I went the other way around, thinking that first you need to overcome your weakness. But when you do, without realizing your strengths, you'll feel kinda lost! So, first, build a home of strengths to run to when you're through of the battles against your weaknesses.

So this year, I'm back to my strengths, and to my weaknesses, trying to live in peace with my needs, my desires, and my goals.

طقوس تطهير

إذا كان كل ما بيننا هو مجموع روايات مكتوبة بأسلوب ركيك تشكل عاراً على الأدب و عاراً على الحب، أظن أنه من الأفضل أن نشعل بها النار الليلة..

لا شيء كالنار يطهر.. لا شيء كالنار يستعرّ و يتآكل
يكفيني حتى الآن ناراً و أحقاداً تتآكل بداخلي.. أنا التي لا حول لي على الحقد..
قد آن الآوان لأضرم النار فيك و أطهر نفسي من دبق كذبك و نفاقك العالق على جسدي.. قد آن الآوان لأنفض غبار عفنك عن زوايا أحلامي، لأزيح بثقلك بعيداً عن طموحاتي.. بعيداً جداً
آن الآوان لتشتعل و تطهر نفسك مني..

آن الآوان لتيقن أنه لا يد لك في أي شيء جميل فيّ.. لتتوقف عن التبجح بأنك صنعتني و ما زلت تصنعني.. أنت لم تصنع سوى نسخة سوداوية مني.. سوى فتات امرأة تتبعثر كلما مرت سيارة مسرعة بجانبها.. لم تصنع سوى كائن دوني يكاد لا يصلح حتى لأن يكون حيواناً أليفاً.. سوى فتات امرأة!

آن الآوان لتحترق هي أيضاً، فهذه المرأة ترفض أن يرافقها فتافيت نساء، ترفض أن يرافقها أشباه رجال..
هذه المرأة ترفض أن تكون غلطة إملاء.. أن تكون عاراً على الأدب..

فلنضرم النار في رواياتنا الركيكة، يكفينا تجنّي على اللغات