Stolen Happiness

I live in this part of the world where people get scared when they're happy...
Whenever they enjoy their time, whenever they feel really happy deep down, they'd say "Allah yestor" (may God save us from what may come).. Every feeling of happiness comes with a fear that what will come is definitely worse, that they ought to be punished for this feeling.. As if happiness can only be fulfilled in the dark alleys, at late hours of the night when everybody else is asleep, and noone there to witness.. As if the only safe place to be happy is in your closet, or in the basement.. And the best time is almost never..

I live in this part of the world where people feel they should steal happy moments that they're not entitled to live.. That they should secretly enjoy life, and never let anyone know it.. That they should never show any desires, and try to kill any pleasure they would have..

Yes, I live in this part of the world where people are afraid from the sun, afraid from feeling warm, afraid from enjoying the fresh breeze.. Where people try to burry their dreams and their hopes under the rugs.. Where you wipe off your real smile by a fake laugh..

It's in this part of the world where happiness is a crime.. Pleasure is a sin.. And dreams are nothing but foolish games to be thrown away.. Where insanity doesn't even make sense..



Trying to pull closer, yet
Away we remain
Never on the same beat
Going each on his own way
Overwhelmed by shiny lights

Tango, we dance..



The journey started as we were running away from the night.. It was just crawling behind us, and the captain of the ship tried to speed as much as possible, and we stayed there for awhile, hanging on between the the day and the night, until, all of a sudden, it got completely dark.. As if the night was fed up with us trying to play with our little aircraft, thinking we could beat the time, thinking we could be the night..

So we landed, on a very dark night, quite cold one too.. And I realized that darkness is not as scary as it may seem.. In its own way, it gives you the sense of protection.. Along with the sense of apprehension, you cannot help but feeling that it's safe to be the real you out there.. In the dark, where nobody can truly see you.. I held the bag in one hand, my fears and my dreams in the second one.. And I walked into a city with a soul of its own.. A city I've never been to before, yet, cannot but seem very familiar.. And I knew I'm coming home..


Walking Away

This is the first time I start writing by starting with the title. I always leave it to the end.. This time, there's nothing different about my life.. I guess there isn't anything new about yours either.. And even when there is, whether it's a joy or a sorrow, you remain yourself.. Broken into millions of pieces, and just trying to pretend you're an entity..

We're nothing but scatters in this universe.. Me, you and her.. Maybe there are those lucky few who figured it out.. But the rest of us are just standing here.. Next to me, lost in a universe they still can't get familiar with.. Lost in days that seem to be new, but are all the same.. Lost in this loop of emptiness.. Lost in translation perhaps..

We're nothing but scatters of universe.. Blown together, sometimes to the left.. Sometimes to the right.. And at the best of our times, we believe for few seconds that we figured it out, that we have a clue.. Then we look at the crowd around to realize that we're all nothing but scatters, lost in this loop that we call universe.. And we all think, for few seconds, that we figured it out..

And.. I'm walking away..
I'm sailing away..


Diaries of LaLa PrototypeX - VII

As Magenta was fading away, little light bulbs started emerging, creating one big curtain of dim light bulbs.. And, even though I normally don't use bad language, I couldn't help myself, I started swearing in so many languages.. I was hoping, even if for few seconds, I'd get to see the stars, I'd get to see the universe.. But maybe Lala Land is not part of a universe, is simply an entity by itself, without having to be part of something bigger. Maybe LaLa land is not even round.. But I miss the stars, I miss dreaming that far away lay all my dreams, and all my hopes.. And now all I have are those stupid light bulbs staring at me, telling me to go home.. Or to whatever it is that I have here..

CouCou on the other hand seems to have liked the word "SHIT" and he kept repeating it all the way back to my place. And just before I walk into my room, I turned to CouCou, and laughed. This was the first time I laugh on LaLa Land, first time I feel alive here, but it never felt more lonely, before I knew there were prototypes just like me. But now I'm a lonely Stella, with no one except CouCou to let me know I exist. I turned to CouCou and said:
- You know CouCou, you don't really have to stay.. You can leave if you want, just fly away..
He stood there staring back at me, so I insisted:
- I'll give you few more minutes to think about it, I'm serious, you can leave. You're free CouCou, you can leave me anytime you want
and CouCou replied:
- No I want to stay!
I was shocked, because it seemed as if CouCou meant it, as if he could really talk and think, but then I tried to reason, and it is possible that I taught him this word back on Earth. Which seemed even more pathetic, so I decided to be more optimistic and consider CouCou as a thinking creature, so I said:
- Well, suit yourself, but now you're stuck with me forever!
- "SHIT!" he replied.
I laughed and said: "yeah, well you are definitely a reasonable creature!"

As I opened the door to my room, on of my favorite songs sounded out. It was Franky singing to me and CouCou: "Fly me to the moon, and let me sing among the stars.. let me see what spring is like, on a.. Jupiter a Mars.."

And I danced the "light bulbs" away..