My last two nights in my country..
I'll be coming back of course.. for visits..
Between my one year in Bahrain and a lifetime anywhere but here, I realized that the civil war is not over.. Lebanon in the mist of arguments and settlements and treaties is too busy to become a country.. a state..
There's a before and an after..
For those who saw Lebanon before the war, it's a shame that the "Switzerland of the Middle East" was shattered like this
For those who only knew Lebanon after the war.. Hmm.. No image of a better Lebanon to rely on.. A struggle for the very few who want to create a country..
And there's in between.. Those who grew up in the war.. Those who don't recall the glory days, but aim for ones.. Either they or their dreams died during the war, or they both did..
I didn't live the war.. I was too young when it ended. But I still remember when René Moawwad was assassinated. I cried.. I was 5 years old, and before anyone says anything, just while watching the breaking news in silence.. I knew that it will be long before it really ends.. So I cried.. In the common sense of a 5 years old, everything was clear.. Clearer than now at least..
Two nights and two days away from leaving.. I leave during the night as well, leaving my Lebanon asleep, some areas with electricity and lights, others shut down completely.. Leaving Lebanon in the dark. Countries look nicer at night.. As you fly above things are simple: light vs. dark.. One big constellation of light gives you a smile makes you feel that men exist, and man expanded.. Darkness makes you think of all the adventures you could have trying to conquer these virgin lands.. no distinction of mountains and valleys.. simply a darkness until you cross over a new constellation..
I leave Lebanon in the darkness.. When politics and religion are asleep.. There's only people who are asleep versus those who are awake.. Sneaking in the darkness to avoid the thoughts of a country that has little to offer me, and my family.. In the darkness when there's only one criteria for differentiation: People with lights, and people without lights!