I always wake up not feeling myself. Ever since I've been here, I've been wanting to leave. I just can't really adjust to all these changes, at least not at once. But mostly, I don't even know what I am to feel myself; "They" don't even know what I am yet, how would I?
Being a prototype is like having to be there, without ever being there. I walk as if I'm an invisible person, if we were to believe that I'm a person. I don't drink, I don't eat! Oh how I miss the filthy pleasures of life on earth!
Anyway, so I'm not myself today, like everyday. I get out of bed and walk towards the dressing room; in LaLa Land, we don't need to go to the bathroom, since we don't eat, there's nothing to digest, there's no morning breath to wash your teeth for, and we don't wash up our faces, we just change one everyday. So, I match my skin color to that of the sky. It's magenta today, we can wear whatever we want, as long as it's not magenta, nor red, nor yellow, nor purple, nor blue, nor black, and nor pink. So I decided to wear a lower half of orange, and an upper half of white. I never mix, so today might be a good day to start something new.
And now I stand in front of my set of feelings. In LaLa Land you have either this or that. Life is either black or white, whereas life on earth is a greater shade of grey. So I either have the choice between happy or sad, calm or mad, good or bad. There's also the combo packages, for lazy prototypes like myself who just don't see the use of being too picky. I only have two choices of combos: Euphoria or Agony. I always pick Euphoria, I think everyone else does too. But nothing ever changes, I always remain feeling-less. Maybe those feelings buttons are not operating yet, or maybe, and this just struck me, feelings on LaLa Land are different from earth, like everything else. We instinctly choose Euphoria because we relate to what we aimed for on Earth. As I feel enlightened, and excited, which is quite new to feel on LaLa Land, I reach out to AGONY!
And BOOM! A sirene starts beeping louder and louder and louder, and all of a sudden I see myself walking towards the auto-destruction room. I've never been there before, I thought about visiting this room that lays in the heart of my own home so many times, but I never had the courage; I had the reasons, but never the courage. And now I'm walking there, when I absolutely have no reasons to, this was the first time I feel excited about being here, the first time I feel myself here, then why on Earth am I going to that room? And why am I not able to control my body?
Am I going to be terminated? Am I going to start a new life as a girl or a boy? Perhaps it's the room where you move from prototypes to an actual being? Why on Earth am I going there?
- "Oh will you stop swearing in the name of Earth?" a voice came out of the room! "Earth does not exist anymore, your life on Earth never existed before; you had the reasons before, but it's not about the reasons, never was about logic.. It's about you daring to cross that thin line between logic and utter madness, it's about you daring to change your choices!"
And all I can think to myself is: "are "They" talking to me?"
- To be continued! -