من العدم وإلى العدم تعود

للخريف في باريس هذه القدرة على إيقاظ كافة حواسك.. يخلق منك دوامة ويرميك فيها، مع أوراق الشجر المتساقطة.. فتطفو في العدم، غير آبه للكآبة المقبلة.. مستسلماً أمام هذه الطبيعة التي تتعرّى بأنوثة ليليت، وقسوتها...

تتشقلب مشاعرك كالبهلوان، تارة تريد القفز من أعلى الجبال من شدة النشوة.. وتارة من شدة اليأس.. تحديداً كما تتشقلب المشاهد حولك من كافة مشتقات الأصفر والأرجواني، إلى كافة مشتقات الرمادي.. الرمادي فقط، حتى الأبنية رمادي، وجوه الناس رمادية.. وأنت نفسك، كقط الجار الرمادي، لا تنشد سوى الجلوس على كنبتك أمام النافذة تنظر إلى التلاميذ يجرّون أنفسهم جرّا إلى المدارس.. الموظفون متلحفون.. مشهد مثير من شدة التناقض بين الطبيعة التي تخلد إلى النوم، وأنت وجنسك تحاولون عبثاً أن تواصلوا الحياة.. كم كانت لتكون الحياة أجمل لو كنّا دببة.. شتاء كامل من النوم.. لا ثلج ولا برد ولا سماوات ملبّدة..

لم أؤمن يوماً أن الإنسان هو أذكى المخلوقات.. أذكاها اليوم هي الطيور المهاجرة.. تهرب في الوقت المناسب من هذا الجنون الذي يجرّك نحو اللا شيء.. نحو اللحظات التي تتوقف دهراً، نحو العبث، شعورك بأن أيامك تمضي عبثاً، أن وجودك أة عدمه لا يعلو أهمية عن تلك الورقة التي تتطاير أمامك.. نحو الصراخ، الصراخ كي تكسر هذا السكون.. فالخريف كالأفلام الصامتة.. ربما لأنك قابع خلف النافذة.. وربما لأن هيبة الموت تفرض سكوناً لا تقوى على كسره.

للخريف هذه القدرة على جعلك تدرك أنها النهاية، لكنّك تفتن بها، أنت الذي دائماً تخشى النهايات.. تقبل نحوها.. وبكامل الخنوع وبكامل التلاشي... تقفز في العدم...

It's more than just a status!

You're really proud of all that? This is one of the question that cross my mind when I read some statuses on FB. The problem is I think that some people repost them without even considering what it really means, and what it really says. or at least I hope so. I think in this case, ignorance can be more relieving than the thought that some people would consciously mean every word they're saying on FB, and intentionally indulging themselves in sexism, racism, arrogance and selfishness.

One of the recent feminin statuses that are spreading is the following:

"Yes, I'm a female. I push doors that clearly say PULL. I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing. I walk into a room and forget why I was there. I count on my fingers. I hide pain from my loved ones. I say it is a long story, when it really is not, just to get out of having to tell it. I cry a lot more than you think I do. I care about people who don't care about me. I am strong because I have to be, not because I want to be. I listen to you, even when you don't listen to me. And a hug will always help. Yes, I am a WOMAN!!!!! Re-post if you're a lady and proud of it !"

Laughing harder when you try to explain why you're laughing: really?! Being a woman means that you do that?

Walking into a room and forgeting why you were there is usually a sign of a distracted mind which could mean that you're overloaded and stressed, or could be a sign of alzheimer. If it happens so often, go to a doctor.

You count on your fingers: I'm becoming hopeless here. SERIOUSLY? And all the other who are good mathematicians and accountants and scientists, are less of a woman because they're actually not counting on their fingers, and trying to imitate men? Which leads to the question, so you truly believe that no man ever uses his fingers to count on? How is that relevant to being a woman and specific to your gender?

I can go down the list one by one, but I think the point is clear so far. You reposted it, because you are proud of being a woman, but everything this status says before reaching the "yes I am a woman" is sexist, despising towards women, stereotyping them as inferior creatures who are there to listen to the male, and be clumsy the rest of the time, which is ok, as long as you're fulfilling the holy duty of ebing there for your man!

Another status that provoked my feminist side:

"Oh you ask....do I work? Uh yes, 24 hours a day...I am a Mum! I am an alarm clock, a cook, a maid, a teacher, a nanny, a nurse, a taxi, a handyman, a security officer, a photograph er, a counsellor , a jungle gym and a comforter. I don't get holidays, sick pay or days off. I work through the day and night, and am on call 24 hours and get paid with hugs and kisses ♥ Post if you are a proud Mother! ♥"

I used to say that I'm not a feminist, that I don't understand this fight against men. I discovered that the fight is first against women. We are our kind's worst ennemy. We are the one spreading the stereotype that we are fragile, weak and mostly stupid, without even realising the danger of stereotypes.

There are other statuses on FB of course, but two samples are enough for now.

شاعر

بحور الشعر اثنا عشر

لكن على الرغم من ذلك

يستطرد الشعراء

إذ يحق لهم ما لا يحق لغيرهم

عرفتك مجنوناً مثلهم

لا تحدك بحور

تعيش فوق القوانين

في الاستثناءات

فسمّيتك شاعري

تشكلّني كما تشاء

فتارة تضمني

وتارة تكسرني

وتارة تسكّنني

بنقطة على السطر.

نعتٌ أتبع المنعوت

كالجرو لا ينشد سوى التبعية

مفعول به خافضٌ لفاعله

مجرورٌ دائماً وأبداً

أتغاضى عن أخطائك.. الإملائية

وأتقبل تحريفك.. لللغة

في خضم الشدّ والكسر

تاه عني أنني أنا السبب

فقد نصّبتك شاعراً

وأنت لست شاعراً بشيء

لست سوى جملاً اعتراضية

Not so simple..

It became a habit for me to write each year a new year's resolution.. it's a concept completely coming from "chick flicks". making a diet, breaking up with the a-hole, hooking up with your summer crush, quitting smoking, quitting your lousy job, figuring out what you want.. It immediately appealed to me.. Not the resolution itself, but writing resolutions, so by the end of the year you look back at those simple things you wanted a year ago, and smile about how you did nothing of it, and how your year was a bit more complicated than that..

It's good sometimes to look back to see what we aspired for, not so long ago..

I didn't write my resolutions for 2011.. And I wish I did.. I'm sure I was aspiring for a promotion, or to get a good grade, and of course the usual "I wanna lose 5 kilos this year" that never happens..

I wish I did write those silly, simple plans.. Because 2011 is far from being a simple year.. And right now, I'm just craving for simplicity.. Craving for few minutes where I don't think about Arab Spring, financial crisis, children in Somalia, nuclear in Japan.. craving to look back and say "yay, I got my promotion even though I didn't lose my 5 kilos".. craving for concerns that evolve around the dilema of which bathing suit to wear this summer..

So.. I log in to social media.. You know? those platforms that are supposed to have been the instigator of revolutions?.. The only mean for syrians to show to the world how their regime is killing them? And I do see some very few concerned members worried about what's happening in the world.. But mostly I see funny videos, I laugh at them don't get me wrong, I even share some of them.. I also see statuses of the kind "bummer", and bummer indeed..

I'm not criticizing, I just hope that all the silliness circulating through social media is just coming from people who give a damn about what's going on in the world, but who, like me, are just craving for some simplicity to help them take a pause, and mayeb grasp it all..

As for some of my dear Lebanese friends, yes I am criticizing you, because I hate to break it to you, but planet earth does not evolve around Lebanon. And, no, Lebanon does not have it all. Lebanon doesn't have half of it: no regular electricty, no drinking water, safe future, no good infrastructure, do you really want me to list it all? And the famous sea and mountain at 20 minutes, well guess what, it exists elsewhere, and with the way we're handling urban management I wouldn't count very much on the beauty of our mountains in twenty years. As for what we call our famous democracy, well I don't know how you call it democracy when it's basically the same bunch of people who are running the country since ever. Our leaders hand out their seats to their sons, daughters, and sons in law.. I mean, wake up, we're not even one single step ahead of any of the autocracies in the Arab world, they moved to autocracy, while we stayed in feudalism. All in the name of protecting the rules of common living of the 17th confessions we have. We lived a civil war and we still criticize each other: for religion, for opinions, for everything. It just seems that the only thing that we finally got to agree on is that guys should wear Ralph Lauren polos, and girls should have any item of Burberry's collection. We just agreed that we should remain BRANDED!

The world is moving ahead, and you're still lost in the vicious circle of "being a Lebanse", the great life loving people who can party anytime anywhere, even when it's war, we party in bomb shelters.. And when we're partying, we can't help but brand yourself with the political party you sympathize with when certain songs come up.. And they do come up, always! because if they don't, you'd ask for it!

You believe in the so called freedom of press in Lebanon whereas Samir Kassir, Jubran Tweini were assassinated, and May Chediac survived an attempt. And many others are threatened when they decide not to be bought up.. You believe in freedom of press because journalists working at Future TV are free to criticize people of 8th of March (or the ex 8th of March), and people in Al Manar are free to criticize the USA, Israel, and every lebanese who's answering to an "american zionist" agenda.

Another flash news: you can actually stand for the people's revolution in Syria and at the same time support people in Bahrain, it's not a sunni-shia fight, it's the fight of two people who are bearing injustice and discrimination by minorities who are ruling them. So STOP being selfish and stop being afraid for the "so called stability" of Lebanon. Millions of people in Syria don't have to shut up and accept their situation to protect the great and wonderful four millions Lebanese. And no Lebanon is not even stable! STability doesn't mean that you can go out in the ngiht and come back home alive!

And please you are free to have an opinion that is completely contrary to mine, but you only get me to respect it when you're basing it on actual knowledge and information, not on the news from the one-sided channel that you choose (wether it's 14 or 8th of March), and specially not when you base your opinions on the news that you never watched but on the information you caught during a side discussion around coffee!

I guess that's why I didn't write my simple new year's resolution.. Because there's nothing simple about the way people seem to not even realize that they are lying to themselves.

السياسة من منطلق لغوي

لفت انتباهي اليوم المصطلحات السياسية..

الديمقراطية، الدكتاتورية، الليبرالية ، وغيرها

إلا أن السياسة عربية ولم نترجمها بوليتيكية مثلاً

بوليتيك لغوياً بمعناها الشامل تشير إلى الإطار العام لمجتمع منظم ومتحضر.. بمفهومها القانوني هي ناتجة عن الدستور وبالتالي هي منهجية وأسلوب حياة ومفهوم المجتمع وفق تعاليم ال دستور..

أما السياسة، فهي من ساس أي قاد الرأس.. مثل ساس الخيل..

وسياسة الخيل تبدأ من مرحلة ترويض الحيوان - حيوان هنا ليست شتيمة -

من مراحل الترويض يقوم السائس بإطعام الخيل، وتنظيفه، وتغنيجه أو بالمعنى العامي بملحسلو، إلى أن يقتنع الخيل أن السائس موجود لخدمته وراحته.. وأن نعيمه يرتبط كلياً بالسائس ..

عندها يلجم السائس الفرس ويربط السرج ويركبه..

فينطنط به كما يحلو له، ويلعن سلافه..

ولكن الفرس لا يجرؤ على الإعتراض فإن نعيمه يرتبط بالسائس.. وبالتالي يبقى مركوباً إلى ما لا نهاية..

وقد يحدث أن يمرّ فرس فحل في أحد الأيام، ويعاند.. لكن السائس ينجح معظم الأحيان بترويضه، وإذا فشل يلجأ إلى تحرير الفحل.. ويظن الفحل أنه إكتسب حريته فعلاً بمغادرته القطيع، ولكن بعد حين يدرك أنه نُفي وأنه لم يهاجر فعلياً بإرادته..

نقطة على السطر.

Random thoughts about everything and nothing..

Just because you write notes on facebook doesn't mean you're a writer..

Just because you have a blog doesn't make you a writer either..

Just because you published several books, doesn't mean you're a writer either.. Most leaders of the world today published books, some of them didn't even read them..

Being a world leader today is actually being a salesman.. You need to sell at a state level what your country produces: weapons, aircrafts, nuclear plants, oil exploration sites, and the list is long.. It would be better if they had a business experience rather than politics.. Well in that matter, Lebanese are cutting edge, if you want to become a prime minister, just be a millionaire businessman.. It doesn't mean that you would actually have enough money to buy the post, but you'd have a shot at it..

Speaking of Lebanese, just because you say "hi, kifak, ça va?" doesn't make you trilingual.. But I'll give you the credit for knowing how to sell yourself.. (in the good sell, as in market your skills, not in prostitution way)..

Prostitution.. is to get favors (money, a job, a phone, and sometimes even sillier things) in exchange of sexual services.. Unfortunately, some girls think that they managed to get what they want due to their "femininity"..

Femininity is to actually get what you want without having to perform a blowjob..

A blow job cost Dominique Straus Khan the head of FMI, and potentially his chances at becoming a president of France.. Dommage.. It was just another example of how some men are controlled by their "zizi" as the french call it.. Apparently soon a new tv show called "the zizi effect", in comparison to "Al jazeera effect"..

Just because Al Jazeera said it (and other media), doesn't make it true.. But when the national TV (in some friendly countries) says it, then it's definitely not true..

True.. truth is the version you choose to believe in.. there are facts.. it's different.. Truth is a metaphysical philosophical concept than can be found on so many levels.. However if you believe that you can find the truth on TV, or in the decision of an International Court, then you'll be disapponited..

Disappointment, is a very strong weapon.. You can use it to request a better performance from people you have authority on.. And you can use it as an excuse to lay in bed and give up in front of people who have authority on you..

Depression.. became a common word, and a common feeling.. You easily say that you're depressed, that you're down.. Very few know what it really feels like to hit rock bottom..

Just because you have suicidal thoughts, doesn't mean you're down either.. Consider it as part of your daily creativity, your longing for tragedy, and then DO NOT JUMP in front of the train, just get on it, and reach your destination..

Destination is as vague as home.. GPS won't help you find either..

GPS.. this great tool, yet very abusive.. you can ctually be tracked anywhere you are, anytime.. And now the new gadget is to actually allow Facebook, and friends to check you into places where you are.. Considering that half of your facebook friends are not really your friends, I don't see how some people are not revolted by this invasion of privacy... I'm referring to those who enjoy the gadget and didn't deactivate it..

But I learnt recently that common sense is not as common as we'd like to think.. Didn't you ever have this question: "how the hell is this person thinking?".. Well I'm sure some people say that about you too.. But still my ego persuades me that my logic is very logical..

Just because your ego makes you think you're right, doesn't mean you have to go in endless arguing with those who are not as enlightened as you.. Sometimes it's good to stick to social code of conduct and just live and let live..

As for the social code of conduct, I still didn't find the manual, but some people seem to know a lot about it.. Maybe it's smart to just do what they do.. Unless if you don't care, which is a relief in most of the times.. Others will say you're a weirdo, but noone will expect much from you either.. it keeps the pressure off..

And one last thing, if you have a zillion friend online, if you tweet more than 50 times per day, if you change your status on Facebook at least 3 times per day, and if you think that people love you just because they press like when you say "I'm bored".. Then you should seriously disconnect, and start living real life..

رحل

أكتب وأمحي

أكتب وأمحي

ولا أجد ما أريد أن أقوله.. لك

هكذا كنا وهكذا بقينا

كلما أردت أن أقول لك ما أريد قوله

ضعت في معاجمي وهربت مني الكلمات

نعم، هي قلة شجاعة مع القليل من إنعدام الثقة

وأنت الذي كنت تتهمني بالثقة المفرطة

ثقة ترعب الرجال وتبعدهم على حد قولك

أعود لأمحي

نهائياً..

فأنت لم تعد هنا لتسمع..

حداد

أعلنت الحدادعلى جميع من ماتوا منذ بداية العام..

على من أحرقوا أنفسهم يأسا فأشعلوا أمة بالأمل..

على من قُتلوا من أجل الثورة ضد أنظمة أكل عليها الدهر..

و على من ماتوا أيضاً دفاعاً عن الأنظمة ذاتها..

قد يرى البعض في مساواتي للطرفين معاداةً للثورة و الحرية و ربما حنيناً للنظام السابق..

لكم حرية التفكير و التفسير و لي حرية مساواة الجميع أمام الموت..

أعلنت الحداد على من ماتوا ضحايا زلزال أو تسونامي أو انهيار ثلجي..

و على من نجوا ليموتوا جراء إشعاع نووي..

و من نجوا من كل ما سبق ليموتوا بسكتة قلبية..

أعلنت الحداد على أطفال ماتت تسمماً..

و أمهات ماتت أثناء الولادة..

و أطفال ماتت قبل أن تولد..

في يومنا هذا ما زال هناك أناس يموتون من عضة برغشة أو تسمم غذائي في حين نزرع روايا اصطناعية في بلدان أخرى..

أعلنت الحداد على من يموتون منذ سنين من الجوع..

في حين يموت آخرون من السمنة..

و آخرون يموتون حرقاً لأنهم يطالبون بتنحي رئيس لم يربح الإنتخابات..

أعلنت الحداد على أولئك الذين يموتون في اعتداءات انتحارية يومياً..

أعلنت الحداد لأننا اعتدنا على موتهم..

يومياً..نعدّهم بالعشرات..

ثم ننهي نهارنا بحصيلة قتلى اليوم..

و تمر الحصيلة كما تمر نشرة الطقس في نهاية النشرة..

مرور الكرام..

أعلنت الحداد على أولئك الذين لا يساوي مئة قتيل منهم قتيلاً واحداً من الطرف الآخر..

بحكم موقعهم من الفاصل..

و على أولئك الذين قرر البعض تناسيهم لأن قضيتهم تخضع لأجندة أجنبية..

و كأن المهزلة التي نعيشها اليوم هي سيادة مستقلة..

أعلنت الحداد على أولئك الذين تقولون أنهم "يستحقون الموت"..

و الموت يَستحق و لا يُستحق..

يوم المرأة

عزيزي وعزيزتي المؤمنون بضرورة إلغاء يوم المرأة العالمي لإستبداله بواجب إحترام المرأة كل يوم من أيام السنة..

شكراً لنيتكم الصافية وتفاؤلكم كي لا أصفه بالسذاجة!

للأسف احترامكم الشخصي للمرأة ليس واقعاً عاماً يسهل عيشه وتطبيقه كل يوم بهذه السهولة التي تصفونها .. الواقع العام اليوم هو إمرأة قد تتقاضى أجراً مساوياً للرجل في بلدانٍ نادرة وبعيدة، ولكن معظم الوقت ما زالت تتقاضى أقل من الرجل..

في أحسن حالاتها هي رئيسة للجمهورية في البرازيل وهيلاري كلينتون في الولايات المتحدة أو انجلا ميركل في ألمانيا ، وغيرهن في بلدانٍ تعاني بالرغم من ذلك من تمييز بين المرأة والرجل..

ولكن في معظم حالاتها ما زالت وراء الرجل العظيم، وبعيدة جداً من أن تكون بجانبه..

لا زالت لا تملك حق إختيار زوجها أو عدم الزواج في عددٍ كبيرٍ من الدول..

ما زالت تعاني من العنف تجاهها بالرغم من ظاهرة النساء اللواتي تعنفن الرجال..

مازلت تغتصب بشكل متكرر في بعض دول أفريقيا.. إغتصاب يعد كفعل حرب! وتنتهي مغتصبةً مطلقة مرميةً في الشارع لأن زوجها لم يعد يحتمل فكرة إنتهاك شرفه.. بتعبير آخر لم تعد صالحة للعمل وتأمين الدخل بسبب صحتها المتدهورة .

وما زالت النساء تموت يومياً بسبب العنف المنزلي..

وما زالت تنعت بالعاهرات إذا عبرت عن رأي مخالف للدين والعادات والتقاليد..

هل تنعت أنت عزيزي بالعهر إذا قررت أن تنادي بالحرية الجنسية؟ في أسوأ الحالات تدعو لك أمك بأن يهديك الله ويستر عليك..

نعم.. هو يومٌ من أصل 365 يشعركم أنتم بالذنب لقلته.. فشكراً لكم! ولكنه يمر عل العديد مرور الكرام، والأسوأ أنه يمر على البعض (الكثيرين) بسخرية وإستهزاء..

أنتم وذنبكم لا تمثلون واقع المرأة إليوم، ولا تغيرون أبعد من محيطكم إذا غيرتم!

فشكراً لكم لترك يوم المرأة بحاله.. فهذا كل ما تملكه اليوم، إذا ملكته..

My personal monologue

Once upon time, I was arrogant enough to believe that I understand human being.. That was very long time ago.. The more I live the more people confuse me.. The more I see the more things make less sense, that is if they ever made sense in the first place..

Human vanity, selfishness and arrogance remain one of the main things that exhaust me. And yes I chose the word "exhaust". It is exhausting to argue with people who are arrogant enough to consider that they know everything, and that you, poor little creature who doesn't get things, are just so cute when you think you know.. I'm sick as well of tolerent people who, by their tolerence, insinuate that in fact they are right, you are definitely wrong, but they are graceful enough to allow you freedom of opinion.. Well THANK YOU very much..

I'm also sick of people who pretend that they accomplished things by taking credit for other people's work. Sick of people who argue back and forth for hours without ever giving you the time to finish a sentence, thinking that they know ahead what you're going to say. To sum it up, I'm bored of people going into endless monologues about themselves, about life, about you, about me,..

I'm tired of people who have no purpose in life as much as I am tired of those who have plenty of purposes. Of those who believe in God as much as of those who don't. Those who complain about everything, and those who are satisfied with everything and anything. Those who are always on the opposition side, and those who run!

I'm sick of people who never change anything, and those who change everything without knowing what they want to change to..

I'm tired of people falling back in the same traps that led them to wars not so long ago, and tired of those who remained silent for years ruled by tyrants.. I'm tired as well of having to be hypocrite, because you should feel, think and be compliant with certain standards, without every having a manual for appropriate social behavior.. I'm just sick, like every now and then, of social obligations: having to be polite, not beating people up when you find them stupid, forcing yourself to accept others' ideas without judging them, being neutral and "objective".. being good..

And the list goes on..

Everything is just moving very fast, and you no longer have the luxury to take a pause to figure it out, unless if you really want to quit it all..

From Libya

A testimonial of a Libyan citizen near Tripoli - unedited:



I live close to Tripoli and a citizen..wondering how after all what he is doing a human being can still be for..I had hope in the "Libya of tomorrow" as they called it a lot of my generation..the ones he named "the generation of anger", sarcastically of course. This generation knows him only and his cruelty and tactiques to control spreading fear, avidity, doubt..as he is doing even more these two day..I had hope in gradual change like a lot of Libyans who are pacific by nature..I worked for projects and wanted to see the end of the tunnel even if apart of some meager crumbles of positive points we clunched to..the corruption was/still is eating the country..corruption from inside yes but internationally as well..the government bought European countries...America ..Big "Democracies" lecture makers..This way to delaying ...not thinking but wondering who is going to be the next one to deal with for business and oil even on coarps of innocent people ..as usual..as usual.




The situation?


Isolation..even more..mobile connections are jammed smses randomly reach or not ..but threatening SMS are spread..others are buying ..credit is offered to corrupt..so the situation is quite..we never had bombarding..the word used in Arabic is wrong..what may have happened is shootings from a helicopter as friends saw shot holes on the top of buildings..some of the weaponds are heavy ones as you can hear in some of the videos u have already (the one at night in tripoli city)


Today people are the four options you proposed and persisting persisting persisting ..because we all know..that he never threats in the air..and he never had mercy..


Expats at this point are not worth more than libyans before the eyes of the mercenaries..so they are of course scared and shocked..


For the question..yes, some are still afraid and unsecure..the net, phone..all is filtered and filed for future repressions as usual..


But...a big percentage stopped being afraid and talk freely on the phone..nearly..


The Eastern area is all free..the Western as well..only Tripoli and it's surrounding cities are still oppressed..three military bases surround them preventing, for the moment, the ones from outside to go in with their weaponds and help the ones inside who have only their bare hands to fight militias who don't think twice before shooting..our youth isn't afraid..they do not want to die and desapear uselessly as it already and is happening..They are isolated...but really angry offended in their deepest pride..we have always been offended and reduced swallowing and swallowing in the name of peace and hope..enough